He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
