I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
