my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
