Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
