Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
