I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
