I just saw a hot homeless man
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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