she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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