I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
