but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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