maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
