Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize