took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
