how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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