He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
