Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
