At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
