Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
