So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
