Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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