I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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