I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
