He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
This gyro tastes like lonliness
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
