someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We left an ass print on the piano.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize