I am spending my child support on dildos
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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