i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Randomize