pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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