so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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