and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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