try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
