I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
