***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
