Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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