im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
