Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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