This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize