She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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