dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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