We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
