So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
