I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize