I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
