2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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