What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
