i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
