so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
