From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
