So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize