CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
