my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
