I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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