They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
