If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
is wine microwaveable?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
