Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize