"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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