i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize