She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
