I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
