we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
