So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
