your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
i think my cat just said my name.
Randomize
