I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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